What is a runner’s favourite subject in school ?Jog-raphy !

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?Webley stadium !

What stories are told by basketball players ?Tall stories !

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !

Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games ?So that they can pack the defence !

Q: What’s the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? A: One’s a glueless kit and the other’s a clueless git!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game ?It was a cup draw !

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

Where do football directors go when they are fed up ?The bored room !

Did you hear about the underwater snooker player?He was a pool shark!

Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet ?Player: I finished it in three days !