What is a monster’s favourite drink?Demonade.

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

What’s the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?’I feel abominable.’

Why did the monster go into hospital?To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!

FIRST MONSTER: I’m going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?Lots of very worried dogs.

MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes – ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

Why is the monsters’ football pitch wet?Because the players keep dribbling on it.

FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes.BERT MONSTER: That’s nothing. My sister’s tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she’s posted it.