At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow moving line. He […]

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked forhis departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay […]

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”The veteran bomber pilot answered, “Try this hot-shot.”The B-52 continued its flight, straight […]

“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children.”

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to […]

A mother and her son were flying “Southwest Airlines” from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother (who couldn’t think ofan answer) told her son to […]

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain’s next announcement. […]

“Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..””But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?””Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?”

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he […]

Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane hasonly 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, “SCREWTHE CHILDREN!!” Michael Jackson’s face lights up and […]

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird […]