ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ” Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.” ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said “Hi Jack.”He shot me.

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it–until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: “Honey, I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice, I’ve told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair …” […]

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”Our jump […]

A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions. There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist. The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they shouldn’t be killed. The microbiologist (who studied […]

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]

A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.Suddenly, from the […]

Stewardess” “Yes, Sir?” “I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.” “Captain, shut up and land the plane.”

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get […]

Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, “Wait Please.” To which Laloo replied, “65 kgs,” and moved on.

During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked […]