Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make.Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?Waiter: To drink?Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.

Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough.Waiter: That wasn’t the crust, that was the pie plate.

Diner: May I please have a glass of water?Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It’s no good, sir, he’s frightened of them, too.

Customer: There’s something wrong with my hot dogs.Waiter: Sorry, I’m a waiter, not a veterinarian.

Diner: Waiter, please close the window.Waiter: Why, is there a draft?Diner: Yes, it’s blown my steak off the plate three times.

Waiter: These are the best eggs we’ve had for years.Diner: Well, bring me some you haven’t had around for that long.

How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?None, a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiter’s eye.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!Sorry sir, maybe I’ve forgotten it when I removed the other three.

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about.