Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?Because they can’t stop saving their work.

Why do you think your report should be on the net?Because my marks are all ‘E’s.

You’re a big Internet fan aren’t you?Yes – it’s becoming a habit!

You’re a big internet fan, arn’t you?Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!

Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer’s disk drive?Pupil: To keep vampires off the InternetTeacher: But there aren’t any vampires on the InternetPupil: See? It works, doesn’t it?

Where’s Spiderman’s home page?On the world wide web.

I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I’ve changed my mind.Let’s hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

I see you’ve got your bill for using the InternetYes, and my dad’s really going to get the hump!

I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like.How do you do that?I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!

Since you’ve discovered the Internet, you don’t pay any attention to me!Who said that?

So what exactly can I learn on the Internet?Anything you like – it can even teach you to talk like an Indian.How?See? It’s working already.

Teacher: Don’t forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.Pupil: It’s not the questions I have trouble with, it’s the answers.