Teacher: What are the four elements?Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.Teacher: What do you mean the Internet?Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I’m on the Net, I’m in my element.

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?Anything you like, they’re not listening to you anyway.

Where does the Internet football team play?Webley.

How does the vicar explore the Internet?With the church mouse.

I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet…Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!

I hope you’re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn’t get any exercise.Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

Does your mum like shopping on the Internet?No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?Use a starch engine.

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?A URLologist.

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Exactly five hundred.1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently […]

What’s O. J. Simpson’s Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

Can you show me how to use the Internet?I’d better – otherwise you’ll just go round and round in circles.