“Can you read Chinese?” “Yes, but only when it’s printed in English.”
What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.
Teacher: That’s the stupidest boy in the whole school. Mother: That’s my son. Teacher: Oh! I’m so sorry. Mother: You’re sorry?
How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.
A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive ? there’s no water in that pool!” “That’s all right,” said the man. “I can’t swim!”
Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player?His horse drowned . . .
Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop.
Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?
Housekeeper: Professor, there’s a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn’t believe me. Professor: No? Then I suppose I’ll have to go and tell him myself.
“Say, your house is burning.””That’s okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one.”
Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?
