A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered.”Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.””What’s a Midnight Special?””A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, […]

What are the four food groups?For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast.For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the fork are […]

“May I take your order?” the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We justtell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you’re eating?A. Finding half a worm.

In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As […]

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.””Heck, Gloria,” […]

Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

I thought you were trying to get into shape?I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?””Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.”I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”