Question: What’s the major cause of divorce? Answer: Once is not enough.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, the sockets go with the house.

Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for a divorce from her husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She testified he’d stepped out “for a beer” on the Fourth of July, 1917, and had never come back.

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.”Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!”Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. “Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! […]

Q: Why do divorced men get married again?A: Bad memory.

Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, “Judge, we want a divorce.” The judge says, “You’ve been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?” The couple say in unison, “Well, we wanted to wait until the kids […]

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.He thought he was God, and I didn’t.

Question: Why is divorce so expensive?Answer: Because it’s worth it.

A hillbilly walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: “May I help you?” Hillbilly: “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces”. Attorney: “Well do you have any grounds?” Hillbilly: “Yea, I got about a hundred acres.” Attorney: “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?” Hillbilly: “No, I […]

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.” The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, “I don’t […]

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other […]