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If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer’s.
If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then…Hey, come to think of it, that’s not a bad idea.
In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, “I only build coffins […]
What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?You cry when you cut up an onion.
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, “lawyer” is always the third thing they look up?Because the first thing a child looks up is “dog.” The second is “snake.” And under snake, the encyclopedia says “See Lawyer.”
Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?New Jersey had first choice.
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.”Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”
A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.He ran back to the White House and demanded the […]
“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older librarian, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.””Well,” replied the librarian, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove […]
A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasn’t a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
