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A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, “Don’t worry – we have plenty of those where I come from.” The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the […]
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?” “Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?” “Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants […]
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall […]
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?”Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
Why don’t lawyers enjoy playing golf?Because it’s too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.”Darling, it was just a shark,” said his wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.
Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.”Client: “No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.”
You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
