The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk”The wasted wino asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?””Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”Obviously relieved, the […]

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.”Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined.”You lawyers are so materialistic, you make […]

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?””No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll […]

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.”This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has […]

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.”Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?” inquired the officer.”Mister,” exclaimed the telephone lineman, “I […]

A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield […]

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.”Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!””Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but […]

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never […]

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”The […]