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The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. ‘This clock,’ he said, ‘will go for 14 days without winding.’ ‘Really?’ replied his friend, ‘And how long will it go if you do wind it ?’
Julie: What time is it?Counsellor: Three o’clock.Julie: Oh,no!Counsellor: What’s the matter?Julie: I’ve been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!
What kind of watch is best for people who don’t like time on their hands? A pocket watch.
Customer: I’d like a watch that tells time.Clerk: Don’t you have a watch that tells time?Customer: No, you have to look at it.
If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? Time to get a new car.
For a weddin’ present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, “W’atcha do with the money, son?” “Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!” answered the boy. “Yew dumb ignoramous!” yelled his father. “Yew should ‘av bought yoreself a rifle!” “A rifle? What fer?” “Suppos’n one day yew cum […]
‘I hope you’re not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,’ said the principal to a new boy.’No, Sir. I’ve got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.’
That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.
How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line!
What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron? A smooth operator!
