Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. “Hey, what yew got there?” asked a neighbor. “I dunno much ’bout art,” replied Melburn, “but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It’s one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!”

When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. “Ah think we should keep the old truck,” he said.”We can use it for all them false alarms!”

Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece. They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash, they realized they’d wound up with the same amount of money they’d started out with. “See!” said Tybe. “Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger […]

Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. “How we gonna get the water out?” asked Mayne. “Easy,” said Willard. “We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out.” The men […]

Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn’t have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself. “Sure,” said Izzard. “There a mirror around here?” “There’s one on the wall right beside you,” said the clerk. Izzard took a glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh […]

The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, “How cum yer wearin’ two jackets?” ” ‘Cause,” said the redneck, “the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!”

Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in. “Ah think somebody’s stealin’ yore pickup truck!” the man said breathlessly. Kennan ran outside, but came back right away. “Well, did yew stop him?” asked Stakely. “Naw!” said the redneck. “He was too fast. But Ah got his license plate […]

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. “It’s amazing,” he said to the other people, “that such a small fan could lift all these people!”

Did you hear about the idiot who planted Cheerios in his backyard? He thought they were donut seeds.

Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy.

Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA “Gosh!” he said, “If n only that job was in Texas, Ah’d take it!”

Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application? In the blank labeled “Church Preference” he filled in: Red brick.