Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit’s new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it’s a dear little thing.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.

Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I don’t think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn’t he have an L-plate?

What do baby pythons play with? Rattle-snakes.

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that’s the tenth one I’ve given you tonight! Yes, but the baby’s bedroom is still on fire.

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop.

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.

Doctor, doctor, my baby’s swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, that’s right. Well, I don’t blame God for chucking her out.

What is a baby bee? A little humbug.