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Boy: Dad, dad, there’s a spider in the bath. Dad: What’s wrong with that? You’ve seen spiders before. Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!
Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your bath, Mrs Soap? Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time I’d drunk the bath there wasn’t room for medicine.
The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, “Will it be alright if I have a bath while you’re having your lunch?””It’s okay with me lady,” said the plumber, “as long as you don’t splash my sandwiches.”
My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.
I’m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that’s the problem – you don’t please anyone.
Fred: What’s that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head!
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity? Second girl: No, it’s imagination.
What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.
