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Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.Justice: A decision in your favor.
How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him.Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation saidshe was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I havewaited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiledwith delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass througha red light’ five hundred times.”
A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. “Not guilty,” the woman answered emphatically.The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: “Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of […]
A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you […]
Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.
Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?””I do.””Now what do you say to defend yourself?””Your Honor, under those limitations… nothing.”
The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”
Judge: “Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?”Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.”Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?”Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric […]
