Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.
Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.
Waiter: I’m sorry I spilled a glass of water on you.Diner: That’s all right. My suit is too large anyway.
Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags?Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.
Waiter: I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon.Customer: What bait are you using?
Customer: I didn’t order this.Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.
Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn’t have time to finish it.
Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order?Diner: I can’t decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make.Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.
Diner: Could I have a glass of water?Waiter: To drink?Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.
Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.
