How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?Because education pays off in the long run!
What does a footballer and a magician have in common?Both do hat tricks!
Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year’s time?Young player: OK, I’ll come back in a year’s time!
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?Captain: Well, it could have been worse.Manager: How?Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic!
Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits!
