Q: Why couldn’t the animals on Noah’s Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!

Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Q: What’s black, white and read all over? A: A newspaper.

What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.

Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.

Did you hear about the man in the electric chair who asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs? A sentrypede.

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !

What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ?A bellerina !

Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !

Do you love me?Of courseThen whisper something soft and sweet in my earLemon meringue pie !

I’m not rich like Jack, don’t have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you.I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin !