A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer–the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace – was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a “window” to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later […]

Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?””Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.””What sort of trouble?””Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.””Went away?””They disappeared.””Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?””Nothing.””Nothing?””It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.””Are you still in WordPerfect, or did […]

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?”The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for […]

I’ve been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven’t seen a single website.That’s because you’re supposed to sit facing the screen.

What’s the difference between your finger and a hammer?I don’t know!Well, you’re not using my computer keyboard then!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a laptop computer.You’re just run down, let me give you some vitamins.No, thanks. But I could do with some new batteries.

Webster’s Dictionary definition of Windows 95Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.

Customer: “I’m running Windows ’95.” Tech: “Yes.” Customer: “My computer isn’t working now.” Tech: “Yes, you said that.”

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: “Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.”Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: “I have two really bad news items for you:1) God […]

An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn’t get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s […]

After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The […]

What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard?The space bar.