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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll […]
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.”What are my choices?” he asked.”Yes or No,” she replied.
An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the ‘newly arrived’ area. There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something […]
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot. In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, …”
As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. “What’s the problem, fellow?” asked his seat mate.”Surely,” said the Englishman, “you’ve heard the saying, ‘The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!’”
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.The passengers were in […]
An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, “We have lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to New York.” A little later, the pilot announced, “A second engine failed, […]
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?””The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to […]
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: “Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I’ve never seen one that short!”The co-pilot looked out the windshield. “Wow! you’re right! That’s incredible! […]
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”The veteran bomber pilot answered, “Try this hot-shot.”The B-52 continued its flight, straight […]
“Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..””But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?””Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?”
