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“What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?” asked the judge. “Well, Your Honor,” replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, ‘I want to listen to it on my record-player!’ “
Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn’t you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I’m a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.
Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway
What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up? Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.
Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry: The dirty crooks.
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. “There’s a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning.” “Who shall I call,” her husband asked, “police or ambulance?”
A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, “This is a muck up!” “Don’t you mean a stick up?” asked the girl. “No,” said the robber, “it’s a muckup. I’ve forgotten my gun.”
“Dad,” said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. “I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow.” “OK, son,” said his dad, “I’ll get you the cash when the bank closes.”
The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. “What are you doing that for?” demanded the crook boss. “Only doing what you ordered,” said the stupid thug. “You told me to lie low for a bit!”
