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Patient: I’m really depressed. Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed. Patient: Nothing is going well. Therapist: Nothing well. Patient: I feel like killing myself. T: You’re thinking of killing yourself. P: Yes, I’m going to do it NOW. T: You want to do it now. P: [Jumps out window.] T: Woosh. Splat.
One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.
“Great news, Mr. Oscarson,” the psychiatrist reported. “After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You’ll never be trapped by the desire to steal again.””Gee, that’s great, Doc,” the patient replied.”And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and […]
Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say. Psychiatrist: So?
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to […]
How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. To threaten suicide if you don’t change it for him/her.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “How long have you been having this phantasy?”
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?”
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?”How many do you think it takes?”
