“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” lawyer replied, “Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question.”

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him?A: It might be your bicycle.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart? Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small!

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?Lawsuits.

Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?In a brief case.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, “Don’t worry – we have plenty of those where I come from.” The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the […]

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?” “Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?” “Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants […]

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall […]

What do lawyers do after they die?They lie still.

Why don’t lawyers enjoy playing golf?Because it’s too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.”Darling, it was just a shark,” said his wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”