Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today.Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.

Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu:Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.

Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.

Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back?Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife’s cooking.

Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.

Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.

Waiter: I’m sorry I spilled a glass of water on you.Diner: That’s all right. My suit is too large anyway.

Waiter: These are the best eggs we’ve had for years.Diner: Well, bring me some you haven’t had around for that long.

How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?None, a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiter’s eye.

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!Keep it down sir, or they’ll all be wanting one.

And how did you find your steak sir?Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was