Teacher: Are you good at math?Pupil: Yes and noTeacher: What do you mean?Pupil: Yes, I’m no good at math!
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can’t see!
Teacher: You’re new here aren’t you, what’s your name?Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.School Secretary: Who is this?Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Father: I hear you skipped school to play footballSon: No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it!
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?Class: At once!
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?On their feet!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.Class: Hooray!Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!Pupil: A reindeerTeacher: Good, now name another.Class: Another reindeer!
Teacher: That’s quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?Pupil: I don’t know teacher. What will you give me?
Father: How do you like going to school?Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I’m not too keen on the time in-between!
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?Because there are no pupils to see!
