Dispatcher: Nine-one-oneCaller: Hi, is this the police?Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how tocook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’He ignored me and continued writing the […]

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back […]

When Mike got arrested, they told him, “Anything you say will be held against you.”Mike said, “Claudia Schiffer’s breasts.”

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”The driver said, “You buyin’?”

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope’s authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.They were traveling […]

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat”He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, […]

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?””No,” says the cop.”What about all these other cars?””They didn’t ask!”

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.”Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.”Stupid”, replied Stupid.The […]

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratchs out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” […]

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from […]

How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs?None. He fell.