Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said, “What will you take….30 days or $30.”The man replied, “I think I’ll take the money.”
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.The doctor said, “Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman’s brain as well. It costs $50,000.”The client asked, “What? How’s that possible?”The doctor replied, “You see, it’s […]
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me […]
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the […]
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the […]
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.”Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?””11” he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.””What two days of […]
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!””Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the […]
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So […]
