Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to […]

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “How long have you been having this phantasy?”

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?”

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?”How many do you think it takes?”

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?” “You’re fine, how am I? “

Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge. What’s come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?None. The light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN’T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

Doctor, doctor, I’m manic-depressive.Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm