I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.
Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about what’s in the tin.
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma’am, I suggest […]
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I’ll just have a slither.
Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn’t. There’s only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake…
Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why? Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.
Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!
