– Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? – Well, dear… Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with “Please wait while your computer shuts down”…
I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant “I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it’s got to be simple enough for his father to play, too.”
A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.
A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer–the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace – was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a “window” to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later […]
Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?””Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.””What sort of trouble?””Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.””Went away?””They disappeared.””Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?””Nothing.””Nothing?””It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.””Are you still in WordPerfect, or did […]
They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?”The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for […]
I’ve been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven’t seen a single website.That’s because you’re supposed to sit facing the screen.
What’s the difference between your finger and a hammer?I don’t know!Well, you’re not using my computer keyboard then!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a laptop computer.You’re just run down, let me give you some vitamins.No, thanks. But I could do with some new batteries.
Webster’s Dictionary definition of Windows 95Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.
Customer: “I’m running Windows ’95.” Tech: “Yes.” Customer: “My computer isn’t working now.” Tech: “Yes, you said that.”
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: “Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.”Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: “I have two really bad news items for you:1) God […]
