What’s the definition of an accountant?Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?How many did it take last year?

Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him […]

What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:”…….and ninthly…”

How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?Hmmm……..I’ll just do a few numbers and get back to you

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t […]

When does a person decide to become an accountant?When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?Depreciation.

Laws of Accounting1. Trial balances don’t2. Bank reconciliations never do3. Working Capital does not4. Return on Investments never will

Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn’t find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn’t produce it.”What’s […]