What’s an actuary?An accountant without the sense of humour.

How do you know accountants have no imagination?They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

What’s a shy and retiring accountant?An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.

A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.”The farmer thinks for a moment, […]

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?They find bookkeeping too exciting.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world.Those who can count and those who can’t.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.””Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.”Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.””How much does the middle parrot […]

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?Invite an accountant.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?Lost

A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.”Was he tall or was he short?”The businessman replies, “Both!”

Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears.”You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. […]