OUESTION: What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman’s means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
QUESTION: What is the difference between a “Battery” and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh, doctor, my girlfriend’s just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three or four weeks’ time?
Women are like computers — even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”The father looks at […]
Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?”
Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s […]
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
