How many students does it take to change a light bulb?None. Light bulb changing isn’t in the course notes.

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No you don’t Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.” […]

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class […]

Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom.

Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: ‘Cuz there’s money in it, sir.

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?””Somebody else’s pants.”

Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?”Sam: “I don’t know.”Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.”Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”

The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?””None,” answered little Norman.”None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.””Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

Teacher: Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.”Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing […]

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.”Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.”No.””I’m the principal’s daughter.””And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.”No,” she replied.”Thank goodness!”