A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, “I give ten dollars.” Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. “I give a thousand dollars!”The minister said, “Lord, hit him again!”

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’dtake it and throw it into the river.”With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”And then finally, […]

And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?”And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.”And Jesus said, “What?”

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. “I’m sorry, sister,” said the attendant, “but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamberpot. The […]

Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the […]

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.”Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.””Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night.Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the Devil! Let him knowhow little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his […]

Easter is approaching. Father O’Maley checks estimates for the flowerdecoration of the altar.The catholic florist – $ 300. “Too expensive” moans the priest.The protestant florist – $ 250, “No, it would not be right to buy atanother Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small.” But lo! Solly Goldberg – $ 75!!!Religion or […]

Paul says to Jesus, “Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?”Jesus says, “Just hanging around.”

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation wentwell and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he wasreassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.”Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gentlypatting his hand. “We do need […]