Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don’t play.
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.”Help!” cried the cellist, “I can’t swim!””Don’t worry,” said the violist, “just fake it.”
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?A: So the violists don’t need to be retrained.
Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?A: Who cares!
Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?A: Write a whole note with “solo” above it.
Q: What is the definition of a major seventh?A: A violist playing octaves.
Q: How is lightning like a violist’s fingers?A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
Q: Which positions does a violist use?A: First, third, and emergency.
Q: Why are violas so large?A: It is an optical illusion. It’s not that the violas are large, just that the viola player’s heads are so small.
Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?A: Violists.
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola?A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
