How do you lose fourteen stone of fat?Dump him.

How can you tell if a man is cheating on you?He has a bath more than once a month.

How do you confuse a man?You don’t – they’re born that way.

When do men insist that women are illogical?When a woman doesn’t agree with them.

Where’s the safest place to hide money from a man?Under the soap

Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks?So his boss doesn’t have to retrain him.

Why don’t women work as long and as hard as men in the office?They do it right first time.

What does it mean to come home to a man who’ll give you some love and tenderness?You’re in the wrong house.

Why do men act like idiots?Who says they’re acting?

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A. You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What’s the best way to kill a man?A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.