Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. “How much you gonna charge me?” asked Guidry. “Twenty dollars an hour,” replied Plotke. “Good Lord!” exclaimed the home owner. “I wouldn’t pay Michelangelo that price!” “I tell you one thing, mister,” said the painter. “If that guy you mentioned is doin’ […]
Delmer: How’d you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn’t you stay? Parley: I couldn’t wait that long. It said on the program, ‘Two Years Later.’
Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit. “Hey, Cole!” said Edney. “See those two wires?” “Sure,” Cole answered. “Now just grab one of them.” Cole grabbed one of the wires. “Feel anything?” asked his partner. “Not a thing,” answered Cole. “Good!” said Edney. “Don’t touch the other […]
Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham at a Tus-caloosa ballroom. They danced every dance together. When the evening was over, he asked if he could see her next time he was in town. “Yes,” replied Patricia Ann shyly. The young man hurriedly took out his pad and pencil and asked, “What’s your number?” “CApitol 4-6173.” […]
Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?
Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn’t go to these places no more!
Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?
“Can you read Chinese?” “Yes, but only when it’s printed in English.”
Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?
Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well, it ain’t somethin’ yew can pick up overnight.
Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, “Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?” “Sure is!” she answered. “Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture.”
