One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, “Why did you do that?” The drunk said very apologetically, “I […]

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. “What will you have?” the bartender asked. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” the first replied. “I’ll have a glass of blood, too, please,” said the second. “I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the third. “OK, let me […]

Twenty-four hours in a day… twenty-four beers in a case… coincidence?

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. “Hey,” says the bartender, “No dogs allowed in the bar.” “Oh please?,” begs the customer.You see, you’re playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals.” “You’re trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL […]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]

Q: What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? A: Ok you 2, dont start anything

“Didja hear the news?” asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. “Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!” “Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, “I do. Why?” The cowboy looked at the […]

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. “Say,” he said to the bartender, “how tall is a penguin?” “About two and a half feet.” “Thank God!” cried Monahan. “I thought I ran over a nun!”

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]

Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin — but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]

Two men walked into a bar.You would think at least one of them would have ducked.