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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made […]
Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tiredof eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearingshabby clothes.””Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very samereasons.”
Regardless of what you may hear, there’s still many women these dayswho are excellent “housekeepers”. Seems each time they get a divorce,they keep the house.
Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of thedivorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:”I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.” To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: “That’s mightykind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, too.”
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split thehouse. He got the outside.
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.”You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.”What took you so long to answer?””I was in bed.””What were you […]
Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.””Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glassesYou certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said “Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy.” The man replied “Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no […]
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said “Yes why?” She said I’m […]
