Tourist: What’s the speed limit in this hick town?Native: We don’t have one. You strangers can’t get out of here fast enough for us.

Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?Driver: I love to travel.

Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy?Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the tourist.The Mexican explained that his small catch […]

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull’s authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked […]

There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, “Excuse me, sir, I’ve got a leak in my sink.” The man at the front desk replied, “Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet.”

A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, “Who are you? What do you want?” “I’m staying here!” “Stay […]

There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before […]

Teacher: I’d like a room, please. Hotel Receptionist: Single, Sir? Teacher: Yes, but I am engaged.

A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, “Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare’s birthplace?” “Ay, straight on, sir,” said the rustic, “but no need to hurry. He’s dead.”

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel? I’m sorry to leave, now that I’ve almost bought the place.