There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parishwho kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,”If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someonewho had committed adultery would say they had […]

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, […]

When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt LakeCity, Utah, a womantold the man sitting beside her, “I understand this is the home of theMormon religionwhere husbands believe it’s OK to have more than one wife.” That’strue,” he replied, “asa matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine […]

An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anythingfor a while thePriest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there’s nopaper in here either.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by thereception committee, andafter a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriadrecreations available.He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text ofthe Holy Scriptures, andspends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming alinguistic […]

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat.Instead of buying anew one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of thevestibule. When hegot there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pewwhere he had to sitand listen to the entiresermon on […]

God created the donkey & said to him : ” You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years.You will be a donkey. ” The donkey answered: ” I will be a donkey, but to live […]

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So…. he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.As soon as the associate pastor left the […]

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Pope’s private chambers. “What’s that phone for?” he asks. “It’s my direct line to the Lord!” the Pope replies.The Rabbi is doubtful, but the Pope insists that he tries it […]

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. “Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. “When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the […]

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield.”Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should wedo?””Turn the windshield wipers […]

Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. “Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! […]