A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`What’s the matter?’ asked the director.`I can’t jump from that […]

What’s the definition of a good actor? Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.

Neighbour: Haven’t I seen you on TV? Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off.

Fred: I’d love to be an actress. Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for? Fred: Then you’d be in a cast for weeks.

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.’So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk.`So you do bird impressions,’ said the agent, `what else can you […]

Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said “Hell, I’m no actor, and I’ve got thirty movies to prove it!”

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.

One agent stops by another agent’s table to tell him the big news: “Elvis just died!” The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. “Good career move.”

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. “So sorry about your untimely death,” he tells the director. “But God […]

The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they’ve gotten for the cast. “First of all,” he tells him, “We’ve got Gibson in the lead.” The director is surprised, “You got Mel Gibson?” “Well, no,” the […]

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks “What happened?” “Well,” one of the officer’s says, “It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today […]

Q: How many screenwriters to make “Titanic” a good movie? A: One more than they had.