It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other … Continue reading →

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked.”They’re people just … Continue reading →

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?Defendant: No, I did not.Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand?A: YesJudge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995?A: Oral.

Judge: Are you married?A. No, I’m divorced.Judge. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?A. A lot of things I didn’t know about.

Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death?A: Yes, by death.Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?

Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement, is that correct?A: Yes.Judge: And these same stairs, did the also go up?

Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?A: She is my daughter.Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?A: All my autopsies are on dead people.

Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.Justice: A decision in your favor.