The world’s most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. “They’re yours, but what are they for?” the genie asked.”I’m tired of walking everywhere–I want to just ride the horse. The sumo […]
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Martin asked David, “In which state does the Ohio River run?” David answered with cool, “In the liquid state.”
Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote ’em off the ladder.
So the bus driver said to the string, “Are you a string?” and the string said, “No, I’m afraid not”. (A frayed knot).
Q: Why couldn’t the animals on Noah’s Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!
Q. What’s te definition of a bachelor pad? A. All the house plants are dead, but there’s something growing in the refrigerator.
Q. What did Snow white say when her photos didn’t come back from the photo store?A. “Some day my prints will come!”
Q: Why did the haunted house not like rain? A: Because it dampened his spirits.
Q: What did the hat say to the necktie? A: You go AHEAD I’ll HANG AROUND!
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: To win the no-bell prize.
