Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!” “Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!” “I know, I know!” said Joanna, “but what am I […]

What are you doing? I’m trying to call Washington! Oh, haven’t you heard? He’s dead!

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup !Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ?Because he was dead !

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ?Because he didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ?Rust in peace !

What is posthumous work ?Something written by someone after they are dead !

What did the little kid do with the dead battery?He buried it.

What is the last thing you eat before you die?You bite the dust.

Vampire 1: “I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.” Vampire 2: “How awful!” Vampire 1: “Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time.”

I’ve been e-mailing William Shakespeare.William Shakespeare’s dead, silly.No wonder he hasn’t replied.

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she?Dead.