John: “I’m a man of few words.”Bill: “I’m married, too.”

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?A: Newlywebs.

Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn’t.marr

BARTENDER: I think you’ve had enough, sir.DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy!BARTENDER: Well, it must be hard losing a wife….DRUNK: It was almost impossible!

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms.Now I catch her in my pockets.

Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath?A: Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

Q: How do you know when you’re at a hillbilly wedding?A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

Where did the burgers go after their wedding?On a bun-eymoon!

Hey, you just shot my wife.I’m so sorry, have a shot at mine !

She was two thirds married once.What do you mean ?Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom didn’t !